Ladies and Gentlemen, Halloween enthusiasts, and purveyors of all things spooky, gather ‘round! This is not your typical “how-to” blog post. No, no, this is a high-octane, spine-chilling, laugh-until-you-cry tale of a bone-rattling dilemma that almost drove me to the edge of insanity. Grab your popcorn, and let’s dive into the harrowing journey of how I, mere mortal that I am, overcame the marriage-testing escapade that is an unsupervised trip to my local warehouse store, during which I came home with a new friend.  Let’s call him “Steve”. 

It all started innocently enough. I was on a spree to deck out my yard with the ultimate Halloween decor. I had the usual—creepy cobwebs, ghastly ghouls, and an army of inflatable pumpkins. But then, like a bolt of lightning on a dark October night, I saw it: the pièce de résistance of Halloween decorations. A GIANT skeleton, standing at a terrifying 12 feet tall.

Now, I’m not one to shy away from grandeur, but this skeleton? It was a monster, and not just in the Halloween sense. It was big, it was bold, and the fact that I was allowed to be out shopping for Halloween decorations without a chaperone meant that it was a sign from above.  It was love at first fright….he was named before we left the store.  Now all I had to do was explain “Steve” to my family.

Let’s fast forward to all the thunderous applause I received from my kids, and all the sideways glances from the other commuters on their way home from routine office jobs.  Let’s get right to the point where my spouse burst my Halloween-themed bubble with “It’s great, hon….but where do we put it AFTER Halloween?”

And thus began the great Halloween skeleton storage crisis.

Let’s be real. Storing a giant skeleton is no small feat. My first idea was to use the garage, but after a quick inspection, it became clear that the skeleton would have to bend, twist, and possibly even fold itself into a pretzel to fit. And let’s face it, no self-respecting skeleton would agree to that.  One look into Steve’s beady plastic eyes told me to keep looking for a better solution.

Next, I thought about the basement. Spacious, yes, but it also came with a haunting—literally. The last time I ventured down there, I encountered a family of very disgruntled spiders. Steve would probably be fine, but I’d end up being the main course for a spider feast.  (Yes – I realize this is far-fetched, and is not an actual depiction of my perfectly normal suburban finished basement….but haunted fits the theme here).  

In my desperation, I considered the attic. Bad idea. I’d already tried to hide Steve in the attic when I was driving home and realizing that I might need to hide him while devising a gentler way of breaking the news to my family, and I nearly caused a landslide of old Halloween costumes and dusty boxes. The skeleton would not only get stuck but also add more clutter to an already chaotic space.

Enter the Luxury Storage Condo

Just when I thought my options were exhausted and my Halloween dreams would be dashed, I stumbled upon the answer to all my prayers: a luxury storage condo. Yes, luxury. For a skeleton.

I had my doubts at first. How could a storage unit be luxurious? Oh, but let me tell you, dear readers, this was no ordinary unit. This was a climate-controlled, fully-secured, and surprisingly chic storage space that could make a skeleton feel right at home.  The amenities were top-notch. Build to suit finish options meant that I could create a holiday storage haven (perfect for hanging up the skeleton’s bones without scratching them), mood lighting (to set the right eerie ambiance), and even a mini-fridge stocked with refreshments. Yes, I’m serious. Steve would not just be in storage – he’d be high life.

I scheduled the move-in day, and when the day finally arrived, it was nothing short of a spectacle. The moving crew (aka “family”) was duly appointed, and with great fanfare (and a touch of theatrical flair), the skeleton was delicately disassembled and transported to its new luxury abode.  The skeleton now stands in its plush new home, awaiting the next Halloween. As for me, I can sleep soundly knowing my giant bony friend is safe, sound, and living in the lap of luxury.

So, my dear friends, if you ever find yourself in the midst of a similar Halloween storage predicament, remember this: there’s no problem too big or too spooky that can’t be solved with a touch of luxury. Sometimes, the best solution is a bit extravagant, but hey, when it comes to Halloween, extravagance is just part of the fun.

Until next time, keep your skeletons safe, your pumpkins spooky, and your Halloween dreams alive!

Happy Haunting! 🎃👻💀